ArielHead on Datingish

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Friday, 14 August 2009

My first boyfriend.

My best friend, who I've mentioned in a few previous posts. The one that I kind of had a "thing" with last summer, but because my dad is kinda racist, we just forgot about it and got over it. Well, I acted like I got over it, and he actually did...or so I thought. About two weeks we were having a late night conversation on AIM, just reminiscing about things we said and did. Side note for this next thing to make sense... this girl I used to be best friends with, we'll call her Chloe, they dated about two years ago and broke up. So in the middle of the conversation he's telling me why I'm such an awesome friend and he says, "...like when me and Chloe broke up, you could have stopped talking to me like all my other ex girlfriends' friends did... but you stayed my best friend." I told him that's because I love him (implying I meant it in the friend way because he's my best friend and we say that all the time). But it kind of felt different this time. I don't really know how to explain it but I got butterflies in my stomach...the whole deal. He said he loves me too and sends a smilie face. I send one back and literally smiled for like 20 minutes after the conversation. So for the last two weeks after that conversation, when we talk, its been different. There would be a lot more flirting going on and he'd say all these cute things to me. So yesterday we were playing the stupid like 1st grader game like "who do you like, tell me first, no tell me first" and that conversation was going nowhere so he just says something random and I was like "Way to change the subject," he asked if the other conversation was getting anywhere and I said maybe. He told me he needed a yes. So I told him I feel like we both know and neither of us have the guts to say it. He said he agreed so I, for the first time ever, told a guy that I really liked him, and have for over a year. He said he felt the same way. But, like I said, my dad wouldn't allow us to date. So I asked him what he wanted to do, because I didn't want him to do anything he didn't want to. He asked me if we could be secret lovers and I said yes. So, I'm almost 17 and I have my first boyfriend, and I can't tell anyone, so I had to tell the xanga community. =D

Thursday, 18 June 2009

I'm in love with my best friend...

Well, the title obviously explains it all. See I have this friend, we'll call him "A". A and I have been best friends for about 2 years. Last summer, we had a "thing" but there was one problem...A is black and I'm white. Now, my dad doesn't mind us being friends, but as soon as he thought we might be more than that I wasn't allowed to talk to him anymore and my dad said he'd move us out of the state if he found out we were dating. So as much as I hated to tell him about my dad I had to so we went back to being best friends and eventually "got over" each other. Now I put that in quotes because I never really got over him. Sure I'd have crushes on other guys but it was mostly just me trying to get over A by thinking about other guys and not him and trying to go back to being best friends and being okay with him telling me about his girl problems and me talking about my guy problems. But you don't tel la guy that you like about your problems with other guys.
Now, we're still best friends and everything is how it used to be but I still can't help but wish we were more and wonder what would have happened if my dad wasn't a complete jerk. And I still don't know how he feels. Like me, I know he's liked other people but also, like me, he hasn't actually dated anybody since that summer. And there are certain things he says to me where I can't tell if its my best friend giving me a compliment, or this amazing guy flirting with me. We always joke that we're gonna get married or he'll tell me that I look beautiful today and I don't know how to take that.
I kind of want to tell him how I feel but at the same time, if he doesn't feel the same way and its just in my head, I don't want to lose my best friend or make things awkward between us. And besides, I'm living at home for another year, which means my dad's same rule applies, so if I told him, then what? Wouldn't it be kinda pointless?
Help?

Sunday, 10 May 2009

You're automaticly hott when...

So I was talking to my best friend, who is a guy, earlier today, and I was talking about how I'm buying a drum set and learning how to play drums. I was also talking about how I want to learn how to scream, the type of screaming you hear in metal bands. Then he said "If you do that and play drums I'd marry you. Girls who do both are automatically the hottest women alive." I've heard similar views from some of my other guy friends, which I know may be a little biased because we all love metal music. But it seems to be when girls do things that are traditionally guy things, as long as it's not extremely dikish, they got more "hottness" points. Guitar used to be that way but you see more and more girls playing guitar now, but it seems like the guys still find it more attractive. I play guitar, want to learn how to play drums, and am currently working on my scream.
Girls, do you think guys really act this way?
Guys, do you agree? And if so, why?

Monday, 02 March 2009

Mixed Signals?

So the guy I keep talking about is confusing me so much! We (me, him, and 2 other people we're really good friends with) were hanging out a few weeks ago and the question came up "So... who does everyone like?" The two other people with us said who they liked and we made fun of them and laughed and "awwed" for a while. Then Connor says "I like someone but I don't wanna tell anyone..." Now one of the other people with us is his best friend, so he tells them everything. That person was the one that told me he said he liked me but didn't know if he wanted to go out with me because he didn't want to screw up our friendship...but this was way back when we went to Homecoming together at the begining of the sachool year, so I wasn't sure if he was still interested. But obviously, now I know he isn't right? He likes whoever this other mystery girl is. And I know its not me because he told his best friend when he liked me, and now he won't tell. So when it's my turn to answer the question I just give a quiet "nobody..." and move on. I'm upset, but we're still really good friends so I act like it's fine.
I still really like the guy, and since we're friends, we were hanging out this past weekend. He was at my house Saturday, and I went back to his house after church on Sunday morning. So I have a musical coming up and he went with me to a thrift store to look for an 80's prom dress, which I need for one of my costume changes. I tried it on and he said I look pretty. It made me smile, but I figure, he's my friend, and I know he doesn't like me so whatever... Then we're back at his house and I go to his room, which he re-did since the last time I was there. There'e a bunch of pictures of him and his friends...MALE friends. Then I see one from me and him at Homecoming. I just think, "Oh, that's cute..." But then I see another one of just me and him hanging out, listening to his iPod. And right before I left I got the, "It was really fun hanging out with you, see you next weekend" (Like I said in previous posts, we don't go to the same school and the only time I see him is youth group and church on Sunday, but he's grounded from youth group right now) But I don't know if this is just me getting excited because of what I want it to be, or if it's something else.
Well, we're both sophmores but his school is so small that prom is for all grades, not just juniors and seniors, and I really want to go with him. Do you think I have a chance of being asked, even as just friends like we were for homecoming or do you think things are different and this is a false hope?

Monday, 19 January 2009

Being a good friend or being flirty?

I was at my friend's house with like 6 other people and we were all downstairs talking. Now, I have a blood disease where once in a while I'll get really dizzy and pass out. There's something in coffee that causes this and I had had alot of coffee early and everyone there knew it. I started to feel really dizzy so I went up to my friend's room hoping no one would follow or make a scene. After about 5 minutes I could hear people downstairs saying "Where's Becca?" and they came to the conclusion that I must be in the bathroom. But the guy I like knew about my problem and came upstairs. He saw me on her bed having issues breathing, went back downstairs, got me water and peanuts (which help for some reason) and came back up. Then he put his arm around me and held my hand waiting for this all to pass. Anytime my hair would move in my face he'd push it back and through the whole thing he was saying "It's ok, you're gonna be fine." In a little while I actually did pass out and he stayed there and when I woke up he told me to never drink that much coffee again and that I scared him so much and he loves me and doesn't want to see that happen to me again.
Now, I say I love you to my friends all the time, but I only say it to my guy friends if we're really close and I've known them for a long time. But remember, this is the same guy that asked me to Homecoming, I went to his and he went to mine (we don't go to the same school) and I just met him around July.
He'll say cute little things like "I had a lot of fun hanging out with you today" and "Goodnight my love". And when I call him after the initial hello because he doesn't know who it is (his cell phone is lost), there's an enthusiastic "Hey!" and a smile that I can hear in his voice.
I don't know he he just thinks I'm a cool person and likes me as a good friend and I'm just getting my hopes up, or if he really sincerely likes me. Comments would be appreciated